Monday, February 27, 2012
"Love isn’t enough: 5 reasons why same-sex marriage will harm children"
"Men and women bring diversity to parenting; each makes unique contributions to the rearing of children that can’t be replicated by the other. Mothers and fathers simply are not interchangeable. Two women can both be good mothers, but neither can be a good father."
6 comments:
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The linked article, by Trayce Hansen, is (unfortunately) poorly supported. Hansen provides no links to evidence supporting her claims, nor does she cite any sources indicating that the factual claims she is making are, in fact, true.
ReplyDeleteFor example, Hansen writes, "A fatherless boy doesn’t have a man with whom to identify and is more likely to have trouble forming a healthy masculine identity." But is that true? Does credible evidence support this claim, or is she just asserting her own preconceived notions and passing them off as facts?
Hansen writes, "[...]those are the two primary reasons why boys without fathers are more likely to become delinquent and end up incarcerated." While it is true that boys raised by single mothers are more likely than others to end up incarcerated, there simply isn't evidence that boys raised by _two_ mothers are more likely to end up incarcerated, which is the claim that Hansen is making. It is likely that Hansen either misunderstands the evidence she has encountered or is intentionally misusing that evidence. But it's impossible to say which, since Hansen doesn't support her assertion.
Finally, Hansen's primary error is a flaw in logic. Same-sex marriage does not cause children to be raised by same-sex couples. In fact, were Hansen to study marriage laws in all 50 states, she would find that no marriage laws require a couple to raise a child, nor do states prevent children from being raised by unmarried parents. Hansen writes that "same-sex marriage will harm children" but what she really means is that same-sex parenting, or adoption by same-sex couples, will harm children. She equates marriage with parenting or adoption as if they are exactly the same thing, and this is demonstrably untrue.
I'll just share my experience, raising 2 sons, which is that my husband relates to our sons totally differently than I do, and they really look to him, as a man, for guidance. I'm simply not wired like a man, not built like a man, and I don't think like a man. My daughters relate differently to me, than they do to their dad (my husband). The gender dynamics are visible and real, and they matter. My boys love to wrestle with their dad. They'd never think to wrestle me. He's there for all the stages of their lives, the big moments and the mundane. My girls come to me for puberty questions. My boys ask their dad those questions. My husband and I share equal responsibility, but play different pre-meditated roles. I'm the nurturer/homemaker. He's the protector/bread-winner. Every day, and in every way, I see the importance to my children of having both their father and their mother. And it carries through to their relationships with their grandmothers and grandfathers (married on both sides of the family tree). Those male/female relationships are very unique and very special. My sons have an amazing role model for manhood/fatherhood/husband in their dad. I couldn't possibly model that for them. I model wife/mother for my girls. My husband models qualities my girls should look for in a future husband, and I try to model qualities my sons will look for in a future wife. Those are unique roles. Neither is interchangeable or dispensable. And my kids know it.
ReplyDeleteDaughter of Eve,
ReplyDeleteYour experiences are interesting, and of course, you are qualified to know what works best for you. But your reply is anecdotal, and it is a non sequitur. The fact that your sons have an excellent role model in your husband is great, but it doesn't mean that all fathers are as devoted as your husband, nor does it mean that a boy raised by two devoted mothers will always have trouble forming a healthy masculine identity. Your family sounds great. I have a friend who was raised by two women, and she is now a happy, well-adjusted, and successful adult. Her family was great. The fact that her family was great, and that she turned out fine, does not mean that your family is bad for children. Similary, Daughter of Eve, the fact that your family is great does not mean that my friend's family was bad for children.
Do you agree with me when I point out that Hansen is actually writing about same-sex parenting, not about same-sex marriage?
Respectfully, what "works best for me" works best for all children: having a loving, married mother and father, who are equally committed to each other and their offspring gives children the best odds for successful family life and adulthood. My husband and I aren't doing anything special--we're doing our duty, and the resulting fruit is only to be expected. That is the standard by which we live, and to which all of society should be held. Where as the law allows for same-sex parenting, by legalizing ssm, the govt. endorses and promotes fatherlessness, which is a far cry from permissiveness. Most same-sex couples raising children wouldn't be permitted to marry, even if ssm is legalized, because most of them aren't already unrelated. Take the African-American community, which is heavily matriarchal, with multiple generations of women in one household, raising children. And behold the sorry results.
ReplyDeleteAll loving families are wonderful, but the fact remains that children raised in a home without a father are at much higher risk for not thriving. They miss out on a very special and unique relationship with a that parent, and that parent's half of the family tree. Your arguments are also non-sequitur, as you put it, as the odds are heavily stacked against fatherless children.
Same-sex parenting and same-sex marriage go hand-in-hand. Parenting is an intrinsic part of marriage. We have marriage because we have parenting. I believe the folks at Opine have explained that very thoroughly. SSM encourages irresponsibility from fathers in reproduction, by producing children only to abandon them to a same-sexed female couple. That is not something we want to encourage.
"All loving families are wonderful, but the fact remains that children raised in a home without a father are at much higher risk for not thriving."
ReplyDeleteYou say that this is a fact, but I think what you actually mean is that it is something you assume to be true. And you, like the author of the essay that you cite, conflate "children raised in a home without a father" with children raised by two individuals in a committed relationship.
Do you have evidence that compares children raised in homes by married male/female couples with children raised by married or committed same-sex couples?
And do you agree with me that it is intellectually unsound to present data about children raised in single-parent homes and pretend that this data applies to children raised in two-parent homes?
If you don't believe that gay men or women should grow up and marry a person of the same sex, what do you believe that they should do with their lives?
Most of your questions have already been discussed exhaustively over at the Opine Editorials. We'll both save time if you will please review those discussions.
ReplyDeleteAs for what a person with a same-sex attraction should do with their lives, let's just say there's a lot of living to be done outside of the bedroom. Single people face the same question. Sex is strictly for a married man and woman.